Hope and Cupidsbow brainstormed this bit of crack about how Jack and Ianto might spend weekends in the Hub. Go ahead and add, expand, re-write, or whatever you fancy.
cupidsbow: I bet Ianto could catch a fish with his bare hands and prepare it, and it would be delicious.
hope: In fact he does, from the Rift pool.
cupidsbow: Yep. Ianto stocks the Rift pool with fish for pteradon snacks and occasionally makes himself sushi from them.
hope: For some reason or other, they're in lock down, and everyone is like "OH NOES AND BEFORE THE PIZZA DELIVERY EVEN GOT HERE WE'RE DOOOMED!"
hope: And then they hear this crackling sound and they turn around and Ianto is manning a BBQ in a "kiss the butler" apron.
cupidsbow: Heee. With grilled alien veges from the greenhouse. And maybe some BBQ Sauce and a stock of "mystery condiments" that Ianto keeps in a secret stash in cryo.
hope: Indeed. And then they're like, "WELL THAT'S SOLVED BUT WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW, JACK? JACK?" and they turn around and Jack is on a banana lounge wearing nothing but floral speedoes.
cupidsbow: Jack would be drinking something froofy out of a coconut.
hope: Of course.
cupidsbow: He and Ianto would be all, "I put the pool chair in the storeroom, can you get it out?" and "I'll just open the skylight, shall I?" and it's blindingly obvious that this is how they spend their rare weekends off.
hope: Ahahah. Oh, so sad and yet so awesome.
cupidsbow: I know. Oh, them. And the team would be fascinated and horrified by the bizarre mix of domestic and Torchwood -- Ianto playing fetch with Myfanwy, while checking the Rift Alert Monitor; Jack mooching around in his speedoes and actually cleaning the BBQ with zest and familiarity without Ianto even saying anything, and then throwing the fish heads to Janet.
hope: Ianto would even let Jack make the cocktails because Jack likes shaking the mixer.
cupidsbow: Yeah, and they are all froofy and non-alcoholic.
hope: And yet, before they know it, the team are doing a conga line around the gangways.
cupidsbow: And Ianto has a whole collection of umbrellas and novelty toys hidden in a special drawer just so Jack can make silly drinks for them both.
cupidsbow: Also, I bet they've recorded, "The best of the Rift" and it's a kind of techno remix track of the different blerps and alerts that have happened, and it sounds remarkably like "It's raining men" put through a Russian translator.
hope: Ahahahahahaha! Not a coincidence.
cupidsbow: Indeed. I bet Jack can press his wrist-strap, and the Rift alert starts flashing like a mirorball. Torchwood: the ultimate gay disco for two.
hope: Or more!
cupidsbow: Yes, it's amazing how well froofy drinks hide the taste of retcon.
hope: I am reading this Jack/Chewie fic.
cupidsbow: I love that fic.
hope: There needs to be more of Jack shagging everyone in the universe.
cupidsbow: I love fics in which Jack seduces improbable people, with just a grin and that silver tongue of his. I bet if he and Ianto travelled, Ianto would become a total enabler, just to watch him in action.
hope: Oh yes. And also, get Jack to do all the hard work.